An Empty Grief

As I sit here next to my dog Tucker, I feel empty. Even though the warmth of him touches my legs, my heart feels slightly cold. 

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Only a few weeks ago, I felt filled with my baby, glowing with the thought of what was to come. 

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I decorated my baby’s room and started to renovate my mind with excitement, nervousness (would I be a good mom?), strength, and heart banners of growing love.

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I lost my baby at 6 weeks, right before Christmas. Then, the physical pain pricked my body and laboring thoughts of “empty grief” pulsated. 

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Until I miscarried, I didn’t know how common this puncturing loss was. I didn’t know about this hidden grief that many women don’t talk about. 

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Many of us who have experienced a miscarriage look down at a desolate basket once filled with bountiful Baby’s Breath. 

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My baby’s breath budded a small bloom under my “soul sun” beautifying my life just for a miraculous moment. 

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A miscarriage grief empties a part of your heart and your “life pail” is filled with distinctive emotions...what ifs, why did this happen?, I let my husband down, I let my family down, anguish of a lost child, sadness of the future. 

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Right now, I feel empty. Right now, I feel unique in my mourning. Right now, I feel lost, but I know God will take my hand and lead me through this shadowed sorrow. I know His blessings still overflow my “life pail”. My Bobby bountied my heart for a short while.  

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God bestowed my bud with everlasting life, where neither wilt would wake or disease would drain. 

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No, my flower child is thriving under the eternal “Son”.

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Women who have experienced a miscarriage, you are not alone, God is holding your hand, guiding you through the empty grief to be filled by His love for you. He catches our token of tears.